User blog comment:Pirate Vixen 101/The Pirate of Flagal/@comment-1630956-20100118021427

Did you re-read before you posted? First sentence: The Island of Flagal stood proudly on the edge of its island problem: How can an island be on the edge of an island?

Paragraph two:Grolwen blenched loudly; making the entire mess hall now of his appearance. Problem: It should be "making the entire mess hall know of his appearence"  Yew forgot the k in "know"

Last part of the beggining of the first sentence jes' doesn't make sense.

Besides all this the first chapter is really, really, really close to Mariel of Redwall

Altogether the plot needs some work, you need to add really original ideas to the story from the first chapter. I apologise if the comment was a little critical but it will help you in the long run, trust me.