User blog comment:Peony Laminar/Peony Laminar/@comment-From the South/@comment-1884658-20100505220339

Snowpaw the Evil Critic has arrived... With critique!

They slaughtered her brother and took her as a row slave. "Slaughtered" generally applies only to a large amount of poeple, so you may want to try "slew" or something. Also, I think you meant "oar slave."

The row slaves were a mixed bunch, some very young and others very old. Same deal with the "row slaves."

"It almost looks like it could be from toad," said Cinnabar. That sounds a little akward, maybe you should try "it could be from a toad."

"It doesn't really seem right to me," repeated Galena. She's said that before?

''"How dare you. You have no right...." began Turnsol.'' I don't think he said, "How dare you." He prob'ly said, "How dare you?" or "How dare you!" or "How dare you?!" or... you get my meaning.

After that sneak peek, I don't think I want any more! You'll have to think up a different reward.

I think Galena's family is from Camp Willow! KIC! (now!)