User blog comment:Ronnie Macleaf/Freedom Pirates/@comment-1427879-20120122020923/@comment-1427879-20120122192758

Of the placement of the lines of speech or grammar? For the former, '"Yes, but it was love at first glance, wasn't it?" Wen nodded', this line looks like Wen is saying it, nodding as a yes to a previous question when it was really Duncan who said it. A few lines like that just need to be moved around a bit. And for the latter, for example, at one point you put that the two otters yamned when it should be 'yawned. Hope this helped. You're welcome, anytime!