User blog:Eulaliaaaa!/Gruntan Kurdly's Just Desserts

What would happen if the Brownrat horde decided to give Kurdley a wee surprise for breakfast? Read on and please don't die laughing. I could get sued.

The Brownrat horde were getting sick of toting round the fat rat everybeast called Gruntan Kurdley. The litter bearers were especially sick of the enormous weight of the litter pressed into their backs every time of the season. The rest of the horde followed behind the litter, talking amongst themselves. One horde member muttered to another.


 * "I tell ye mate, ole Kurdley's heavier than an oak nowadays. 'Ow in the name of Vulpiz did this moron get to be Chief round 'ere?" His friend shook his head.


 * "Wonders never cease, eh mate? To answer yore question I have no clue. 'E ain't even all that scary. Gruntan Kurdley, huh. More like Gruntan Hurly." The other horderat's eyes lit up with malice and he stiffled a snicker.


 * "Wot's up with ye? 'Ave you got soft in the 'ead, matey?" He shook his head still giggling like a naughty Dibbun.


 * "I gots a fabulous idea, me ole mate. 'Ow abouts we do in the Boss only the only thing 'e can blame is 'is own greed?" The other horde member looked thoughtful.


 * "Oh aye, I could get into that. But, 'ows are we sposed to do it?" His companion grinned.


 * "Leave it to me." The next stop that the horde members made was at a pretty clearing. (Little did they know that Gorath was handing out a heaping platter of just desserts to the other members of the horde a few miles away.) Gruntan snapped out orders for his breakfast of eggs as usual.


 * "I'm 'ungry, yew lazy layabouts! Serve me brekkist quick else yew gets a bad case o' the Kurdleys!" The two members of the horde who were talking earlieer arrived swiftly with hidden smirks on their ugly faces.


 * "'Ere yew are boss! The primest vittles we could find and prepare just for yew!" His companion winked.


 * "Aye, don't go ettin' 'em up too fast now!" Now Kurdley didn't like being told how to eat, so he shoveled down the platter of eggs, snarfing them faster than a hare. The two members of the horde hid ehind the bushes and watched the fireworks. It started slowly at first, the Boss swelled up more than usual and he didn't look too chipper. Then he started wheezing and turned a nasty green color.


 * "Ooh! I think I'm goin' to be sick." Kurdly muttered. The horderat turned to his mate.


 * "That's yore grand plan? Make 'im sick?" He shushed him.


 * "Jus' watch." and watch they did. Kurdley felt his stomach rumble and grumble until the Brownrats (who aren't the brightest vermin in the land) started looking for thunder. The Boss then swelled up even larger than usual and then...he upchucked everywhere. Egg flew out like a firehose. He spewed like a waterfall and the litter carriers groaned in disgust. The two horderats shook with mirth.


 * "Oh heeheeheehee! That's a good 'un! Look at 'im spew!" His companion held his sides.


 * "'Ang on mate, 'ere come the best part!" Kurdley had not stopped his epic spew, and was carrying on at such a rate than the horde just watched him. He suddenly stopped and took a few breaths.


 * "Bring me some water..." he wheezed. A dutiful daughter came bearing a canteen and held it out to the Boss. Before it even touched his paw, Kurdley exploded. Literally. The horde stared in shock while the two plotters exploded with laughter. The old cook Laggle, walked to the mess of Kurdley. Only his footpaws remained. She looked back at the horde.


 * "Well, ole Kurdley's gone an' slayed 'imself with all that eatin'. I spose we should just leave now. We're free! FREE!" The horde cheered. No one would miss the nasty Boss at all. The two plotters who liberated their members waited until the horde left and swpt up the mess and buried it in a big hole along with the litter. The first rat found a plank of wood and inscribed these words:

HERE LIES GRUNTAN HURLEY: CHAMPION SPEWER OF EGGS, HOTROOT PEPPER, WILD GARLIC, STINKWORT, DEVIL'S CLUB, AND SEASON OLD FRUIT