User blog comment:Brigadier Benchpress/The Unexpected Ally/@comment-1988904-20100524164714

Great start! Though there are too many spaces between the paragraphs. It's always tricky getting that right.

It might be nice to have this as a prologue as Laria said. I really like the name Stoneheart: it sounded at first like a badger name, but it seems to fit the character well, whoever he is.

Some of your word choice and diction is a little confusing or could be worked better, but on the whole it is excellent. Some examples of improvements: inhabitors = inhabitants bark mask in the figure of a snarling rat = bark mask depicting the visage of a snarling rat the long cloak as a rich red as freshly spilled blood. = the long cloak as crimson as freshly spilled blood

Can you put me on the update list? I can't wait to find out what species Stoneheart is and what he's up to.