User blog comment:TheMoleOfTheLongPatrol/1st Chapter of Lumetriss/@comment-3974102-20120312214930

ok like where this story is going but like Scotty said the action moves fast but that can be fixed easily by detailing the setting, character, and their actions more. You want to give your reader the clearest vision of whats going on. Also nice prophecy poem :) i always have problems writing those. Anyways you should definately continue writing this story. I want to know more about the characters and what their roles in the story will be! Keep up the good work!