User blog comment:Bluestripe the Wild/Bluestripe,A Name Remembered/@comment-1031927-20100902015931

Prologue: I think the prologue needs expanding. It's too short- describe! and, as Zaran used to say, details details details!

Chapter One: Would she call her son a "wretch?" and it just seems like the vermin pop up out of nowhere closer to their house. Perhaps there's an area that Blue wasn't supposed to leave but he left anyway? That would explain the "wretch" The fight scene was well-written and heart breaking.

Chapter Two: When the female badger calls to him is very very well employed. Getting mad, too is a wonderful way of masking his fear and loneliness... Makes me feel sorry for him.

Chapter Three: The shews and the snake pop up out of nowhere. Lead into it a bit. Maybe a younger shrew accidentally awakens it with its paddle?

Chapter Four: Good villain scene! And maybe show a bit of interaction with the shrews? Winey is funny! Can I keep him?

To be continued....