User blog:Hyena42/The Warlord Guide, What and What NOT To Do For the Aspiring Conqueror

The Warlord Guide, What and What NOT To Do For the Aspiring Conqueror
As we all know a hero versus a villain is like a tank going up against a golf cart, no matter what happens, the villain will be destroyed. A villain succeeding is the same as a libretarion or independant party running for president, they could win, and the hero supporters take this as a valid point, but what they neglect to mention is that you have to do this this this and that. This is one of many examples you will see. This guide will walk through the biased world of Redwall and how YOU can work passed it.

Bloodwrath: The Tactical Nuke of Redwall
There is no arguing with a badger in blood wrath, thats for sure. But what about the other ones? Martin the Warrior, Feldoh, Axtel Sturnclaw, the warrior mole from the new novel, Sable Quean. These are all examples of animals who fall prey to the blood wrath, and when in blood wrath, the creature sees nothing but a red mist and foe beasts, and gives an almost unfair advantage to any battle. In fact only two badgers have been killed by vermin, Lord Stonepaw from Lord Broctree, this badger was very old, maybe eighty years or so, and yet managed to take at least four score Blue Hordebeasts with him. The other is Lord Urthstripe from Salamandastron (book), who was killed by Ferahgo the Assassin, while at the same time Ferahgo himself died. These are no doubt dangerous beasts, but let me ask you, how many blood wrath induced villains are there? How many have there been?

Zero. Not one. So I ask you, is this in any way fair? People often say that when vermin lie about chieftain battles, like having an archer ready or an ambush party, its the most evil thing you can do, but I ask them, if you were in they're position, what would you do? Are you going to face an already powerful beast on testosterone steriods? No, your gonna wanna have a plan B. Its exactly like cheating, I know it's their nature to slip into blood wrath, but why can't a villain ever have it? I would call it making the fair fight the hero who agreed to the fight promised. "We will settle this fairly." "No, we'll settle this UNfairly, mister badger, instead, I'm not gonna let you think to much and say one more word." "What's that, rat?" "FIRE!" "Oh shi-" dead. That is how it should go. Don't let them fight, kill them when you tell them to get out of the mountain, when he insults you fire! Is it really that complicated?

The Show of Force: The Fatal Flaw of All Villains
I don't care how scary, how big or how well trained your army is, you cannot, I repeat, cannot get away with a show of force, they don't care. Simple as that. "Behold my horde!" "Yes, your horde is out there, the question is how is your impressive horde going to get in?" "Um, well, we'll be back!" "Kay." Many villains claim they have the all important element of surprise. Thier idea of surprise is marching up rank and file and pretending to materialize out of thin air. The element of surprise would be just jumping up on the wall with grapnels and ladders without a sound. But when they try this, there's always a completely random redwaller just coincidentally going for a stroll on the battlements, and will either shout for help or cut the ropes right away. The best way into redwall can be shown in the books Marlfox, Redwall, Loamhedge, and Mattimeo.

In Marlfox, the Marlfox Ascord found a way into redwall via actually looking around Redwall Abbey, and figuring out that the front gate is only supported by one powerful beam, and four able bodied beasts with a spear haft can move the block out of the way and you can be in in seconds. So before you go off and pound on the door, remember that gate can be opened by four soldiers with spears.

In Loamhedge, the fox Badredd and his crew were able to push they're way into the abbey grounds via the small east wall gate, which, to be quite honest, is overlooked far to often. It cost one fox his cutlass, and if you have a horde, what's one cutlass? Nothing, thats what.

In Redwall Cluny the Scourge held a doormouses family and said he'd kill them if he didn't open the gate from the inside. Once the gate was open, it was easy as ever!

And finally in Mattimeo,General Ironbeak simply flew in, completely undetected and was able to usurp control over the rest of the abbey in a hostage exchange.

These examples should have taught you at least one thing, never underestimate the element of surprise.

Targets
These are the beasts you need to get rid of soon and fast. They are the ones that will provide redwall with the military prowess it needs to hold out against you.

Log-a-log
No matter who it is, he has to die, just him, and his best friend. Once he's dead, they'll try to promote his best friend, but if you kill him too, they'll have no idea what to do. One thing you must never underestimate is where those cursed shrews come from, whether it was from inside redwall or from right behind you,you've got to get rid of the Guosim and thier log-a-log as soon as possible.

Skipper of Otters
Kill this one first, above all you must slay skipper, right away, this is difficult as he usually hides behind the abbey walls, but if you post snipers everywhere, you may just get him. It's imparitive that he dies. He will slay on average, two of your commanders, and is the one who shouts all the orders and gets the redwallers under control. If you had to choose between slaying log-a-log and skipper, choose skipper every time.

Foremole
While he poses no real threat to you, he is useful for when you try to tunnel, as he'll detect your underground vibrations, and if he dies, the mole crews will be leaderless and, as an added bonus,the redwallers will literally be balling thier eyes out at the loss of their tubby little friend.

The Recorder
This is the big blabbermouth jerk who will do endless amounts of research and find the oddest little poems that will somehow relate to what your doing. While he poses a very small threat, the recorder is simply annoying and will easilly be a bothersome best, do away with him if you can.

The Infirmer
This is the beast that will treat the wounded, they can take those oafs in the abbey and fix em up so they can go back for more. A good strategy that hasn't been tried yet is to kidnap the healer and a dibbun and force the healer to heal yours or you'll kill the dibbun.

The Hare That Just So Happens To Be Taking A Stroll Through Mossflower At The Time
This annoying and usually musical rabbit will normally arive at redwall about half way between the book, and will also provide millitary support. Certain hares are more dangerous than others,Basil Stag Hare is an excellent example of a dangerous hare, he has military prowess and is funny and will keep the redwallers hopes up. Hares, dangerous or not are incredible fighters and must be dealt with accordingly. Post several guards all around the way to Redwall, as in, about ten per guard.

Dibbuns
While it's been tried many times, you can't go wrong with having captured dibbuns as hostages. With them, the abbey dwellers are putty in your paws. And providing you've dealt with the more militaristic targets mentioned above, they won't go and risk saving their lost babies.

Squirrels
Every. Single. Squirrel. Must. Be. Killed. They are strong, clever, smart, and good climbers. That last one may seem like a worthless trait, but when you realize that they can drop out of trees seemingly invisibly, loose two arrows, dissapear into the foliage and move onto another tree, you'd know their bad news. They are also sticklers for revenge, so kill them before they can fester in thier anger. Kill. Them. All.

Author's Note
I know I have not covered everything and I will be publishing more later on, but I hope this provided you with some lasting entertainment. Thank you and stay tuned!