User blog comment:Kalm Treeblade/On Leave from Salamandastron/@comment-2207385-20110818175355

Nice!! good work on describing action and also for making a first person point of view story!! you rarely see those around here that's awesome!!, heres a tip!! try describing the scenery around the character and also describe the characters in more detail too!! like how they look what they wear, etc. Good start!! and also don't forget to seperate paragraphs to make the story easier to read,. keept it up!!