User:DarkXSamus

Well sirrah, we is here on this Redwall Wiki, home of hydro-oxyphobia and saurophobia. Lettuce commence.

CONCERNING REDWALLERS AND OTHER MATTERS
REDWALL Brian Jacques has got to be kidding us, right? Walls cannot simply be red. Nor can any animal build thirty-foot, maybe forty, high walls using just sandstone blocks. Nor does toothpaste exist in Mossflower. Right? Well, read this Cody Issachar Ad and decide if any members of this fictional abbey are bonkers or you can chill and decide fictionally if Mr Jacques is kidding us, or if simply he's going to the Moon and back...

M wandered around the grounds of RA. It was a beautiful D, and all around were the Cs of the A piling up honey for the evening's F. Over by the grounds the FM and his Ms were digging a boiling pit. M could smell T, which was unusual for a SD. He wandered over to the bushes to look at the hell of a pit the digging diggers had been digging all the digging day, and, in the words of the FM, 'I am really digged up to the paws with you buggers!'. 'M M, there's an R in the Bs!' exclaimed C the B. M ducked, then he performed a somersault. The astonished R burst from its hiding place, and something like a fantastical scene from a very famous disc occured. M whacked the R in its balls, and as he did so, a whistle blew. M leapt down and eventually, after turning ten somersaults without stopping, the R toppled screeching into the grass. Suddenly archers fired from the neighbouring trees, sending P down on the AD. These ADs began complaining like Hell about the amount of Rs there were nearby. 'Oh God, it's gonna be Hell,' complained B, who was feeling P at the M. AS stung many of the Rs and Ss. CS the O flew over the rooftop, but feeling bored, flew back to his B with SJG. The whole A was eventually throwing a D with the Rs, Ws, Fs and Ss. The night was rocking, and eventually FM and his Ms became the Greatest M Band In M.

AND THAT'S THE STORY, FOLKS!!!
With the help of Cluny the Scourge and his gang of rocking rats, we have managed to decipher the Foremole's weird message, which he found under the fender in the Great Hall of Redwall Abbey, and therefore the Message now seems to read:

PISS OFF YOU MICE AND NEVER COME HERE AGAIN

With so much debate about whether the famous hero Martin the Warrior could have actually written this bugger, we have drawn on the help of researchers, famous carbuncles, infamous gate-busters, sexy gatecrashers, and the whole load of villians from the James Bond universe in order to try and decipher what the message PISS OFF YOU MICE AND NEVER COME HERE AGAIN actually means, and we have found out that it means Pizza in Duckpond, Please Fetch Ferahgo to Fish it Out: Snarl!