User blog comment:Laria Wavedeep/Laria Wavedeep/@comment-1988904-20100519043832

A dedication to me? That's so nice! Thank you! The prologue is so rich in description that I can see the little holt still peaceful even with the gale raging in all its madness outside.

One thing that you could keep a closer eye on in the next chapters is how you do your dialogue. When a character is speaking, any narration that happens on that same line should be performed by the speaker. If not, it gets a new line.

For instance:

A male, who was about the same age, asked, "Have you named her yet, Grall?" The otter looked up and replied.

"Her mother and I have named her Laria. Laria Wavedeep." An ancient looking female nodded.

"That's right, after my great-great grandmother, Laria."

Grall whispered, "Shouldn't both of ye be gettin' to beds? There's nought but to sleep this storm out. I have a feeling in my rudder that tomorrow will be a fine day." He planted a light kiss on the ancient one's cheek. "Goodnight, Frewn, beauty." He nodded at the other male. "Goodnight, Werlan, mate." His best friend lay down and winked.

"G'night, Grall. Sweet dreams!"

Becomes:

A male, who was about the same age, asked, "Have you named her yet, Grall?"

The first otter looked up and replied,  "Her mother and I have named her Laria. Laria Wavedeep."

An ancient looking female nodded in approval. "That's right, after my great-great grandmother, Laria."

Grall whispered, "Shouldn't both of ye be gettin' to beds? There's nought but to sleep this storm out. I have a feeling in my rudder that tomorrow will be a fine day." He planted a light kiss on the ancient one's cheek. "Goodnight, Frewn, beauty." He nodded at the other male. "Goodnight, Werlan, mate."

His best friend lay down and winked. "G'night, Grall. Sweet dreams!"

And I love your names for the vermin creatures in Zegarath's armada. Although when I read his name in my head I pronounce it ziggurat for some reason, like those step pyramids, lol.

Zegarath seems like a great villain, I have a weakness for Wildcat villains. I guess there'll be some trouble for Holt Wavedeep in the next chapter. Is Laria gonna be taken as a oar slave?

Can you add me to the update list?