User blog comment:Forsyte Bladepaw/The Warrior's Spirit (Chpt 1)/@comment-1988904-20100421041220

Great start! I can't wait for the rest. Haeclim seems like a cool character. I agree with Laria about the birthmark. I don't think there's been a creature with a badger stripe that isn't a badger!

Your vermin dialect was great! And I loved this line: Some went left, some went right, but all of them went down.  And the part where Haeclim knocks out the rat leader by hitting him between his double chins.

If you don't mind, I'd like to point out some lines that were a little awkard/could use fixing.

The very first paragraph was a little confusing: ''Anxiety didn’t show on Haeclim’s impassive features, but it was clearly stamped upon his heart. Now this might be strange behavior for the Skipper’s only son to act, but being an otter still in his adolescent seasons, it was natural. Even beyond that fact one would need convincing. The facts for that were obvious in themselves.''

Maybe:  Anxiety didn’t show on Haeclim’s impassive features.  It didn't need to for ''it was clearly stamped upon his heart. Now this might be strange behavior for the Skipper’s only son, but for an otter still in his adolescent seasons, it was perfectly natural.''

Well in any case. KIC!!

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