User blog comment:MajorPerigord09/Southsward!/@comment-1222913-20100311164944

It's definitely a good start! You've got enough talking between characters (i personally hate that part because there's so much punctuation). Try to add more details, DESCRIBE EVERYTHING! There's also a lot of feeling between the king and queen at the last part. That's good! It helps get deeper into the story. Aside from the already mentioned "big block", it's got the makings of a great story! KIC, mate!