User blog comment:Hollyfire53/Outcast/@comment-1031927-20100614000700

Hmm... not bad. A good premise but you're rushing it and going waayy too fast. Be patient, make us (the readers) suffer! by drawing it out?

And if they called out after the she was joining Ocyro in outcast, why is she surprised that he is alive? Also, grammar and format need work..

And she went to "queen" too quickly, they wouldn't adhere to her beck and call jst because the two were exiled.

Good idea, watching too see where you take this! update me!