User talk:Charie Swordmaid

welcome
--Dannflow  Talk! 00:20, 13 August 2008 (UTC)

An Answer and a Question
I may be able to help, but it looks like you may have hung your self on your own cliff hanger (for the lack of a better term)I will try my best to help you.

NO! Don't take it off! Its good enough it should be one of BJ's books (It would explain a lot)

I need to know what you think about the new section in my story. I personally think it is too rushed through, and not good quality. What do you think? Thanks for listening! Sambrook the otter  Talk! 01:01, 2 November 2008 (UTC)

How do I ask Questions and comment on stuff? This is the only way i know how to post anything here.--Aranta(drunkambrose) 03:05, 2 November 2008 (UTC)Aranta(drunkambrose)

Lenora Longtail
Remember how I had said a few weeks ago that I hadn't read your new story? Probably not, but I just finished reading Lenora Longtail.

Wow.

5 stars and straight to watchlist. That is a good story! Well-written, good description, characters you can get attached to, it is just awesome! Well done! Please keep adding more!

Anyhow, just a tip, it's probably not a good idea to post personal information. Not that you have any posted right now, since you took it off, but you never know. You get weirdos out there...

But on a brighter subject, DON'T STOP! KEEP WRITING! --Some random redwall fan  Talk! 04:32, 2 November 2008 (UTC)

PS: Are you having any luck with poem ideas? I sat down at my desk for twenty minutes and got nothing.

Help with accents
I suppose you noticed that I am writing a story, The Wildcats (a short book that might never exist). The thing is that I'm terrible at the accents of the creatures in Redwall. May you please add some accents to my story every now and then? I would be very grateful.

--Ivanovsson 23:08, 2 November 2008 (UTC)

Answer
No, the accents are all I need. And I think your stories are great, but you could use a prologue and epilogue. And Every now and then, I could fix spelling mistakes outside of the dialogs, which do exist. but I hope you keep on writing, because your stories are great!

Help with prologue and epilogue
I'm not being annoyed. The only annoying thing is that I'll have to postpone writing more on my story 'till tomorrow, but you will be adding accents so I don't care.

I will start with the prologue of Lenora Longtail. The main idea I think should be about where Lenora Longtail was really from and that she might have seen something truly terrifying outside her home which caused her to lose her memory. I will give an example with I think you could work with after some changes:

One-season-old Lenora was sitting in Redwall Abbey with her mom, Abbess Vale.

Mama? May I go outside?

No

Please mum!

Okay, but don't go too far.

Okay, mum.

Lenora went outside of the Abbey, but before the gate closed, she saw the true killers of Brother Hal kill the old recorder. She was so terrified that she forgot who she was and found some wild squirrels who she befriended, but she knew they weren't her real family, but she didn't know who was.

THIS IS THE END IF THE PROLOGUE, BUT DON'T WRITE THIS MESSAGE

I thought that in the epilogue Lenora finally comes home and seeing her home triggers her memories of who she is. Now for the example epilogue of the same story:

Vale saw a limping Lenora Longtail in the distance. Open the gate! She hurried out to Lenora and escorted the weak mouse to the infirmary, but Lenora seeing Redwall Abbey was a memory trigger, but it caused her to pass out.

Dingeye... Killing... Hal...

Vale.. Me.. Going.. Outside..

Where. Is. Mum. Vale.

And Lenora finally regains consciousness, but Abbess Vale heard her and asked Lenora a question.

Are you Lenora?

Yes...

Welcome back, my daughter.

THIS IS THE END OF THE EPILOGUE, BUT DON'T COPY THIS MESSAGE.

Improve the examples I gave you if you think they will work. Tell me when you are ready for help on the other story you wrote.

Thank you!
Im glad you think so. I was a it worried I had rushed through the two chapters and there was hardly any detail =P But once again, IM glad you Like it! About him lifting the rat above his head and the jumping and all that... yeah, uh Cheesy,a and yeah his emotion will return, In chapter 20 he will collapse from exhaust, and wake up his old self (You will have to guess where he wakes up!)

I believe the Eomtional drain of him is an effect of the massive attack of blood wrath. One more time, thanks for you input! Sambrook the otter  Talk! 14:57, 3 November 2008 (UTC)

Yea
Yea I can do it for you. If your not satisfied with it, you get your money back guranteed xD Zaran Rhulain  Talk! 22:53, 3 November 2008 (UTC)

Finished, read it and tell me what you think of it, if it isn't going the way you intended, do what you want with it xD Zaran Rhulain  Talk! 23:40, 3 November 2008 (UTC)

No problem xD

The poem
I FINALLY WROTE THE POEM!! It took me 45 minutes, a lot of paper, and a lot of visits to a poetry book, but I FINALLY DID IT!! I'm sorry that I didn't wait for any suggestions, but I finally came to the conclusion that, "If you don't do this now, It will just be Chains all over again." I sure as heck didn't want that.

Alright, here's the poem: (note: It helps to read it slowly.)


 * My paws are worn,
 * And my back is torn,
 * The lash has done this to me.


 * A familiar face,
 * In a hellish place,
 * Lost amid horrors at sea.


 * Her innocent eyes,
 * As blue as the skies,
 * Are wide with the horrors around.


 * They are brimming with tears,
 * And now it appears.
 * Her time has come to bow down.


 * So one day at sea,
 * That was when she,
 * Stopped rowing and cradled her head.


 * The lash then attacked,
 * Her frail little back,
 * And now my sister is dead.


 * My paddling has increased,
 * To the job of two beasts,
 * But my mind is not focused on that.


 * My dear little sister...
 * Oh God, I miss her.
 * My heart is the ground of combat.


 * My soul is stone dead,
 * My mind is stained red,
 * With her blood that sprayed on my face.


 * The waves are her grave,
 * She was even depraved,
 * Of a peaceful resting place.


 * I have no fear of hell,
 * I have my own little cell,
 * In this galley to which I am bound.


 * I have witnessed its worst,
 * My eyes have been cursed,
 * With the death and horror around.


 * She's out there somewhere...
 * In that watery nightmare.
 * In which we were both held.


 * Death is not far now,
 * I am starting to see how,
 * It grins at me from the shadows and yells.


 * I don't want to hang on,
 * The little life I still don,
 * My life is now a waning moon.


 * My dear little sister...
 * Yes, I still miss her,
 * But now...I know I will see her soon.


 * I love you sis.


 * -Binty

Dark stuff huh? Anyhow, that's what's posted as of now. Please write back and tell me what you think. Thanks. --Some random redwall fan  Talk! 05:42, 4 November 2008 (UTC)

RE:poem
I told you how I did that. 45 minutes, a lot of paper, and a lot of asking of my family, "Hey! What ryhmes with________?!" Anyhow, are you sure it isn't too dark? Little mouse getting whipped to death is a little...harsh.

Glad you liked it. I can breathe again. --Some random redwall fan  Talk! 22:15, 4 November 2008 (UTC)

Lenora Longtail
No, it is not too gory. Nothing to worry about. In fact, it's great! I'm kind of envious of you guys. You're all the way at the fight scenes, and I haven't even had one yet. But yeah, your story is good. Keep it up!

By the way, I noticed the introduction. It certainly explains a lot. Nice :)

Glad you liked the poem (sorry if I've already said that. I'm just glad at least someone does.)  --<font color="Red">Some random redwall fan   <font color="Red" size="2">Talk! 22:28, 4 November 2008 (UTC)

Oh come on....
You got to give yourself credit too. Your stories, both of them, are excellent and have attracted a lot of readers. We're hooked on your stories too you know!

Yeah, I guess I do have a fight. One otter on two rats, and the otter almost dies... Yeah, I guess that counts. But anyway, I seriously wouldn't worry about the gore level on your story. If you want gory, you should see the original drafts of Death Knight... Remember, Black hawk is a pal of mine and he brings me printed out copies of the text before he posts it. Very violent.

Keep it up! We're all anxious to see what happens next :D

--<font color="Red">Some random redwall fan  <font color="Red" size="2">Talk! 22:40, 4 November 2008 (UTC)

I'm actually doing...
Fine with my fanfic ive been a little busy lately so i havent had as much time to work on it, if i need any help ill be sure to ask since your such a nice person, btw i love how Lenora Longtail is coming along--<font color="Orange">Aida Otterock  <font color="Orange" size="2">Talk! 00:47, 5 November 2008 (UTC)

Ok so...
You were asking me about Jude Ethulia... yeah well i had written like a huge section for Jude Ethula: Part two when i completely deleted it and cant get it back so i have to re-write it so um... it may be awhile until i post anymore on it sorry--<font color="Orange">Aida Otterock  <font color="Orange" size="2">Talk! 02:09, 5 November 2008 (UTC)

Death Knight
Alright, you seemed confused, so allow me to explain.

Do you know what a signet ring is? If not, it is a thing people of high rank (generals, kings, etc.) use to approve of something. Basically, the ring has a unique symbol on it, usually representing something personal of the officer, and when that ring is pressed into hot wax, the symbol stays in the wax after it hardens.

Have you ever seen old letters, and how they have a big blob of wax sealing them? Notice how there is usually some sort of symbol in the wax? That comes from a signet ring.

So in the story, Vulpo stole the signet ring and tricked the squirrel commander (I fotgot what his name was) into thinking the general agreed to let him use some soldiers in a raid. He claimed, "If the general didn't agree, then why did he give me his personal signet ring?" See? Vulpo tricked them.

Still confused? IF so, ask Black hawk. He might do a better job of explaining it. --<font color="Red">Some random redwall fan  <font color="Red" size="2">Talk! 01:04, 6 November 2008 (UTC)

Seriously?
Sweet. Thanks. I may or may not use it in my story. What do you think? <font color="Blue ">Sambrook the otter  <font color="yellow" size="2">Talk! 19:37, 8 November 2008 (UTC)

Hmm...
Maybe he should be a Mariel like charictar. Like, He has no memory of his past until they find some record of him at the abbey or something lie that... Sorry, kinda trailed off, If you think so, I will =D <font color="Blue ">Sambrook the otter  <font color="yellow" size="2">Talk! 19:44, 8 November 2008 (UTC)

=D
I think thats what ill do in chapter 20 something... havn't decided yet.I've got just a little bit left until they bget to the abbey. Theres going to be a chapter about whats happened @ the abbey while theve been gone (Sorry, couldn't contain myself!) Don't sweat it :) (Im glad you guys like it!) <font color="Blue ">Sambrook the otter  <font color="yellow" size="2">Talk! 20:14, 8 November 2008 (UTC)

xD
Thanks, you too, gonna try to make as many as you did

<font color="Green">Zaran Rhulain  <font color="Blue" size="2">Talk! 21:15, 8 November 2008 (UTC)

about anything from redwall that I can make rhymes out of

Template
I created the custom template for welcoming new users, its on my page, feel free to use it if you please

<font color="Green">Zaran Rhulain  <font color="Blue" size="2">Talk! 01:59, 9 November 2008 (UTC)

Abstract concept
I need your help with something. I finally got around to adding to Red Tide (II), and I'm a bit worried about what I added. It's not violent or bloody or anything, it's just a little abstract. I'm not sure you got this when I wrote Chains, but a major part of that story was Greg's feeling of helplessness and frustration at being a slave. So, the chains were a big part of the story. You seemed to catch that when you added a bit to the story, so that's why I'm asking you now.

Alright, in Red Tide, they're no on a slave line, they're in a slave galley. I really can't use chains as a source of anger because there really aren't any. Instead, I focused on one character's memories. Basically, he can't remember anything about his past. No family, no freedom, not even his own name. So in the latest addition, he's contemplating all that, and I'm a bit nervous some one might read what's posted, scratch their head, and say, "Wait... huh?"

Here's what's posted:

In the back of the galley, leaning against the wall and doing his best to fall asleep, was a mouse. He was a strongly-built little creature, with broad shoulders and a serious, grim expression. His eyes were dark blue and bloodshot, and swished slowly around in their sockets as he surveyed his sleeping comrades. A gentle thump hung on the air as his tail beat against the floor. Paws, heavily scarred and covered in bleeding wounds, lay slumped over his lap.

Sleep was eluding him. The painful throbbing of his wounded paws and the stubborn burning of his bloodshot, irritated eyes forbade sleep to overcome him. His body was bone-weary and tired, sore from the heavy paddling it had been forced to suffer. His head was a hornet's nest of stinging pain, and his throat was as dry as sawdust from lack of water. But still sleep evaded him.

It was times like this, in a hellish fit of pain and weariness, that the mouse allowed his mind to wander. He closed his eyes and tried to imagine things only rumored about in dreams and stories. Love, peace, freedom, joy, family, calm, serenity, to name but a few. With all of his might the young mouse would desperately try imagine such exotic concepts. What was peace like? When would he experience it? When?

But no inspiration ever came.

The galley was all he knew. As far back as he could remember, there was nothing but slavery. His family were faceless strangers in his mind. Peace and joy were things only rumored in dreams and myths! Freedom was something only for the lucky and carefree! And his own name... Was it only such insults as, slave, runt, brat, or swab?! Or was something else?! Something loving and friendly! His name... OH DEAR GOD, WHAT WAS HIS NAME?!!

But no inspiration ever came.

A single tear of helpless frustration slid down his cheeks and hit the sodden floorboards with a silent tap. No family, no peace, no freedom, no name... Just a slave. That's all he was, a mere slave, doomed to pull the oars for the rest of his life.

.

Ignore the little boxes. I just added them to seperate the message from the story. Anyhow, could you tell me whether or not that is really confusing? Thanks. --<font color="Red">Some random redwall fan  <font color="Red" size="2">Talk! 23:38, 11 November 2008 (UTC)

Oh I...
Havent been doing anything with it lately. ive had a lot of homework/math, uh its sucks, so yeah i should have time again after friday when its due :P--<font color="Teal">Aida Otterock  <font color="Teal" size="2">Talk! 23:39, 12 November 2008 (UTC)

Wait...
So your 14 (i remember you said that somewhere) and your already in college--<font color="Teal">Aida Otterock  <font color="Teal" size="2">Talk! 23:51, 12 November 2008 (UTC)

Oh...
Ok that make much more sense... im a little slow when im hiper<font color="Teal">Aida Otterock  <font color="Teal" size="2">Talk! 23:59, 12 November 2008 (UTC)

Help with Lenora
Alright, you may have to be a little more specific. What do you need my help with? Do you need me to help with what happens after she leaves redwall, or something else? Sorry to be a pain, I just need a little more clarification. --<font color="Red">Some random redwall fan  <font color="Red" size="2">Talk! 22:33, 21 November 2008 (UTC)

story ideas
Here's a few...

She stays at Redwall due to: -Plague (something like in Salamandastron) -Something to do with a serpent. ~+~ She winds up at Southsward again in time for some type of conflict. Another good thing about visiting southsward is that you could throw in a mourning for Sapwood. ~+~ Maybe she winds up at a burned-out destroyed wreckage of her old home. And, if you want to be REALLY terrible, she finds her family's bodies. ~+~ Maybe something withe Long Patrol? No one else has brought that up in their stories yet. ~+~ Meets another traveler and mentally tells herself not to get too attached to him/her in case they get killed like Sapwood did. You know, she becomes a nervous, paranoid wreck. ~+~ Her pyschological battle dealing with her mourning for Sapwood. ~+~ That vermin band comes back in some way. ~+~ Meets a wandering, nomad-like tribe (?) ~+~ Dang, I'm running out of ideas... Ummm....oh! Here's one! She finds a helpless, homeless, young creature of some sort.

Alright, I'm out of ideas! Hope at least some of these helped. --<font color="Red">Some random redwall fan  <font color="Red" size="2">Talk! 23:48, 21 November 2008 (UTC)

Fur thing
You know how Brian Jacques sometimes refers to a goal or object indirectly? Like saying one thing that suggests whats going on? Well, Skipper was injured during the fight, that is what he means by growing out his skin and requests for a medic to patch him up. It's a whole humor thing I'm trying to do, not to good at it yet =/

<font color="Green">Zaran Rhulain  <font color="Blue" size="2">Talk! 23:57, 21 November 2008 (UTC)

Fanfiction
It is fan fiction I mean who said you have to comply to redwall measures strictly--Redwall! 00:30, 22 November 2008 (UTC)

Lenora
Its really touching, all the struggle and desperation to get Sapwood to medical attention, its really descriptive. My only qualm is that Sapwood died too early. I sorta imagined him dying in battle, not by blood poisoning. But in this case, the blood poisoning and the death of Sapwood really shows the level of friendship Lenora and Sapwood had developed, so it makes it more emotional to read. Keep writing it and what do you think of my chapter nine (so far)?

<font color="Green">Zaran Rhulain  <font color="Blue" size="2">Talk! 03:03, 23 November 2008 (UTC)

I just read all of SRRF comments, I still have no idea what's coming up. But don't tell me, I want to read it for myself xD

You are fourteen and going to graduate high school? O.o I didn't even start my senior year yet and I'm older than you. holy crap, teenage genius....

Ouch, 4000 facts and independent studies? Are they trying to kill you with work or something? Well, the topside of this is that you finish college earlier than the rest of us xD

Wow, that just plain sucks then. What are you going to do for the next three years then? I don't think you can get a paying job at the age of 15 when you graduate

Nice, are you going to pay for college or is your parents paying for you?

Wouldnt it be cheaper if you paid them all at once? Get some sort of discount? lol
 * Your dog is a snot lmao

thanks
yeah i put the name selections on the lenora something page--<font color="Blue ">Deyna the Mighty  <font color="green" size="2">Talk! 16:06, 15 November 2008 (UTC) 02:05, 24 November 2008 (UTC)

Update
yea yea xD <font color="Green">Zaran Rhulain  <font color="Blue" size="2">Talk! 17:40, 27 November 2008 (UTC)

:D
Thanks! It will probably stay up until the end of the week cause im going on vacation. Thats where the bad news about my story. I will post what little of ch 20 I have finished, but It probably will not be complete for a little while =( <font color="Blue ">Sambrook the otter  <font color="yellow" size="2">Talk! 20:14, 27 November 2008 (UTC)

Suggestion
In Lenora Longtail II, I noticed you had tried separating some paragraphs with ****. Only problem is, those symbols are off to the side and not "eye-catching". It would help if those symbols were in the middle. To do that, type this out:

Text you want centered

Just a suggestion. --<font color="Red">Some random redwall fan  <font color="Red" size="2">Talk! 06:59, 28 November 2008 (UTC)

AKA

SRRF  <font color="red" size="2">Talk! 07:02, 28 November 2008 (UTC)

ANOTHER suggestion
Alright, you're probably sick of hearing me give suggestions, but just keep in mind that I wouldn't be reading if I didn't like it :).

It's coming along great! Taro kind of reminds me of someone... huh. Anyway, can I make a suggestion? This section:

~+~

''The otters didn’t have time to think before Malhechor was upon them. Many, seeing that he was an adder, fled for their lives, not even attempting to fight him.''

''Those who didn’t flee, were swiftly cut down by his thrashing coils and poisonous bite. Soon the only ones left were Skipper and Lenora.''

~+~

That could use quite a bit of elaboration. It doesn't have to be sick and disgusting, like freakin' Death Knight, it doesn't even have to be really violent. It just needs elaboration. If you wish, I can take a crack at it... Actually, we agreed that neither of us really like it when people write the story for you. Remember my fiasco with the Red Tide (II) poem?

Anyhow, all suggestions aside, I really like your story! It's coming along great! Descriptive, awesome characters, it's just a great story all around. It really sounds like Redwall, just with an original twist. --<font color="Red">Some random redwall fan  <font color="Red" size="2">Talk!

Oh look, I've gone and made myself a reputation =). I agree with SRRF, Lenora Longtail's writing is great! I have one question though; how is it that a mouse with a deep cut in her shoulder and a squirrel with an eventually-fatal wound can scare off a horde of "over two hundred" just by killing two soldiers? <font color="Black">Black Hawk  <font color="crimson" size="2">Talk! 20:40, 30 November 2008 (UTC)

An idea
Alright, I have an idea. Some of the users like to incorporate violence into their stories, including me. Now there are other people out there that, such as yourself, who aren't to big on that genre. That's cool, everyone has their tastes. But anyhow, I have an idea that will remove offensive content out of the stories but we will still be happy.

Alright, a bunch of sites devoted solely to fan fiction are all over the web. Now how about if the authors post an edited, or 'toned-down' story on the wiki, but also have an external link to a fan fic site where the normal, or 'not toned-down' version is kept. Based on what the readers prefer, they could read the edited version on the wiki, or click on the external link and go to a different site to read the normal version.

I'll talk to LordTBT and Black hawk about it. I just wanted to ask your opinion on it first because you seemed to be the user who was the most disturbed. As I said before, nothing wrong with that. It's cool =) Tell me whether or not you think it is a good idea on my talk page.  See ya around.  --<font color="Red">Some random redwall fan   <font color="Red" size="2">Talk! 01:02, 4 December 2008 (UTC)

Alright
Okay, I'll talk to LordTBT and Black hawk. Glad you approve. Also, there's a reason I haven't worked on Red Tide (II) for awhile. You'll see in five days =) --<font color="Red">Some random redwall fan   <font color="Red" size="2">Talk! 01:43, 4 December 2008 (UTC)

thank for your help
I will keep that in mind cut down on gore right thats the whose bit I ever want to put i n a story ( think I made it abit whose than before thats why its I wa keep it down losts and there are young kids on the site so WILL DO {I HOPE} at this point there is only one other part and I wa keep it that way) I keep to lots of words not so much gore in my storys when I come to the part of the poem I will tell you thanks that some where in chapter 1 or 2  i am at the momment in my 5th page yes 5th page of the proluge thanks --<font color="Blue">Dannflow   <font color="blue" size="2">Talk! 08:21, 4 December 2008 (UTC)