User blog comment:Corroe/the shadow hunter/@comment-1298206-20130723235441

Since you read my fan fiction and seemed to have enjoyed it so much, I thought I'd return the favor by reading yours.

In order to end the comment on a good note, I'll start with some constructive criticism. Well, there are a good deal of grammatical errors in this, but most of them are just capitalization errors and misspelled words.

I felt that Obsidian was a bit overpowered. To prevent that, you could have said something like,"Despite the wounds that scored the otter's body, Obsidian cut down another foe as he struggled to fight his way through the vermin to join the rest of his holt." But my bigger concern with unintentionally making him seem overpowered is when he takes a javelin to the back and keeps fighting. I know you wanted him to get one last hit on Fangis, but perhaps you could have had Obsidian slash at Fangis and, in fear of his leader being killed, the ermine throws its javelin at Obsidian.

My last problem is when Sandike takes Obsidian's sword and kills the ermine with it like he was born wielding a blade. Depending on how old he is, I may be able to let it slide. This is just a suggestion to make it more realistic, but I can see Sandike being knocked flat by the ermine and when it is about to slay him, he falls on the blade.

Now these aren't criticisms, but just some questions I have. About Obsidian's sword: how exactly does it look if it is a cutlass hybrid that is forged like a katana? Does Obsidian's sword have a name? How far away is Holt Stormrunner from the Land of Ice & Snow? Why does Fangis seem to have a fixation for Sandike?

However, onto the things I did like! "Backbiter" is a cool name for a sword! The name Holt Stormrunner is pretty cool. I also liked how you described Obsidian's appearance. Like with "Backbiter," I also liked Obsidian's sword. Bringing up Dryditch Fever again was also a nice inclusion.

Despite how I may have sounded when addressing the problems, I do not think this story is bad. Sure, there are some small problems, but it's not like any story is without its flaws. So far, I've only read the prologue, but I'll definitely read the rest of it! If you need any help, don't hesitate to come ask me!