User blog comment:UngattTrunn/The Tale of Two Kings/@comment-1479469-20100609025021

Well, the grammar and spelling's good - which is a relief, since there are a lot of people on this site who just throw out stuff without bothering to use a spell-checker.

This being said...this could use a lot of improvement, especially in the way of character development. One character in particular I think you''d want to examine closeley is Stiffener Medick - I seem to recall that in the book, he was pretty dead loyal to Brocktree. With all due respect, it seems extremely dubious that he just switches sides because he thinks Trunn's kind of cool. Personally, I'd make up my own character for the purpose, but you might want to give a lot of thought to exploring what would motivate the hare to betray his friends, family, and leader and go help someone who tried to kill him (not to mention his friends, family etc.)

Oh, and there's a bit where Mortspear says his older brother becomes queen of the land. I leave it to you to figure out what's wrong with that sentence.