User blog:Verminfate/The Adventures of Badrang and Badredd

This is a Redwall parody about Badrang the Tyrant and Badredd traveling together throughout the Redwall universe in different time periods.

There are references from Redwall, Mattimeo, Salamandastron, Martin the Warrior, The Bellmaker, Pearls of Lutra, Marlfox, The Legend of Luke, Lord Brocktree, The Taggerung, Triss, Loamhedge and Rakkety Tam.

It will get funnier as it goes along.

My brother, User:Wild Doogy Plumm helped me with this. :)

Enjoy!

Chapter One- The title characters meet
Badrang the Tyrant stormed southward through northern Mossflower Woods. He was giving up on Fort Marshank, the slaves, the battle with Clogg, everything.

When he had ran outside of his fortress after the escaped slaves, he had secretly sneaked away and sent his clone after them. Every good warlord needs a clone to be killed in their place. So that is what Badrang did. Now he was going south, searching for some place to settle down and live not-so-peacefully. Even evil vermin warlords need a break.

Badredd the little fox trudged along behind his gang. He was no longer their leader, after what had happened back at Redwall. Now all he wanted to do was sulk. As he listened to Flinky's constant chatter, he wished that he could have a clone so that he could sneak away from them unnoticed.

Then he tripped on something and fell flat on his face. The other vermin didn't even notice. He grumbled and looked down at what he had tripped on. It was a strange-looking object with a large, red button in the center.

Badredd scratched his head and thought, “What a strange-looking object with a large, red button in the center!”

Then he saw that something was written on the side of it: 'Miniature Time and Space Teleportation Device'. The fox had no idea what it meant, but it sounded cool, and maybe it would take him away from here. Or maybe it would give him the clone that he had always wanted. So he pressed the button.

Badrang slashed at some bushes with his sword. When he had cloned himself, the sword which he had stolen was cloned too. Now he had his own and that mouse would get a copy of it. The stoat sniggered with evil glee. Suddenly something came crashing down on him. At first he thought that it was a chunk of a falling star so that he could make another sword out of it, but then he looked and saw a little fox sitting on him. The fox's eyes were shut tight and he was cringing.

Badrang shook the fox off of him and growled, “Who are ye and why'd ye fall on me?”

The fox stood up and stumbled about dazedly, “I'm, er, Badredd.” he said.

Badrang stared at him, “Badredd?” he asked.

Badredd nodded, “Aye! Badredd. Now why is that in italics?”

The stoat snorted, “I dunno. My name's Badrang the Former Tyrant of Marshank.”

“Badrang?” Badredd asked.

“Aye, Badrang. You got a problem with that, runt?”

“No. Why do our names sound so similar?”

“Who cares. Now, why did you fall on me?”

Badredd shrugged and held out his MTSTD. “I was walking in da woods and I saw this. Then I pressed the button an'.... poof! I'm here.”

Badrang stared at the fox's outstretched paw. “What are you talking about? There's nothing there! You're insane.”

Badredd looked down at the object in his paw. He read the small print on the side: 'Only visible to characters from Loamhedge.' He scratched his head and looked at Badrang, “Are you from another book?”

The stoat growled, “How should I know? What's it matter anyhow?”

Badredd looked back down at the MTSTD, “Er, nothing.”

Badrang looked at him suspiciously but said nothing.

After awhile of Badrang muttering to himself and Badredd wondering what was up with his MTSTD, the fox said, “Um.... what so what have you been up to?”

Badrang grumbled a bit and shrugged, “Oh, nothing much, just killing, plundering, conquering, enslaving.... that kinda stuff.”

Badredd's eyes went wide, “You mean that you're a real warlord?!”

Badrang nodded, “Of course! I'm Badrang the Former Tyrant of Marshank.”

“Former?”

“Aye, I gave it up awhile ago. Too much stress.”

Badredd looked at the stoat in awe, “Can... can I be a captain in your mighty horde?”

Badrang glared at him, “I just said I gave that up.”

Badredd looked at the ground, “Oh. ok.” Then he looked at the Badrang, “Can I follow in your mighty, evil pawsteps?”

The stoat sighed. “I guess so. As long as ye don't get in my way.”

He started walking along again and Badredd followed him, asking, “Would you like to have some evil adventures with me and my.... strange-looking object?”

Badrang looked down at the fox's paw. Then he shook his head and muttered, “Stupid runt.”

All day he tried to get away from Badredd's pestering until finally he whirled on him and said, “Alright, alright! I'll go on your little 'evil adventures'! So now, what do we do?”

Badredd pointed to the MTSTD in his paw, “I think that we press this button....”

Then he did, and..... poof!

Chapter Two- Cwown Pwince Woopert
They appeared in the middle of a large grove of trees. Badrang glared around, “Okay, where are we?” Badredd shrugged, “I dunno.”

Badrang glared at him, “What do ya mean you don't-”

He was interrupted by a very squeaky, very annoying, very lispy voice. “Who awe you and why do you not bow befowe the Cwown Pwince Woopert?”

They both turned to see a small, fat squirrel standing behind them, surrounded by other squirrels who were not small and fat.

Badrang sneered. “And why should the tyrant of Marshank bow before a stupid liddle squirrel?”

Badredd interrupted. “I thought that you were the former-”

Badrang glared at him. “Shut your trap.”

The little fat squirrel pounded his footpaw on the ground. “Bow befowe me or die, wetch!”

Badredd started to bow, but the stoat kicked him. “You moron! We don't bow to stupid, fat squirrelbabes!” He snarled at Roopert, “We eat them!”

Roopert didn't seem scared. He laughed a very squeaky, very annoying, very lispy laugh. “Empty thwets, vewmin! Guawds, seize dese insowent cwetuwes!”

Suddenly squirrels appeared from every tree around, with arrows pointed at them. Badredd cowered on the ground and Badrang rolled his eyes. He drew his sword and growled, “If you want a fight....”

Suddenly he charge them, roaring, “For..... um... something!!!!” Badredd cowered even more as arrows zoomed overhead. The squirrels fled in all directions (except for downward) when they saw the stoat with the sword charge them, roaring, “For....um... something!!!!”

Suddenly, a pebble came from nowhere and hit Badredd on the bottom. He gave a yelp and leaped up, bumping into Badrang and sending the MTSTD flying. The stoat's sword buried into the ground right in between Roopert's footpaws. The squirrel squealed and ran away, shrieking. “Hewp! Muwdew!”

Badrang smiled, “Haha! Run yew liddle fat squirrel! I'll get you!” Then another pebble came from nowhere and hit him on the ear. He snarled and looked around, “Who did that?”

Badredd whaled, “Thar she blows!”

“Not that kinda whaling, idiot!”

“Oh, sorry.”

Badredd wailed, “Let's get out o' here!”

Badrang stuttered, “Wait, no...!”

Then Badredd grabbed a stick and pushed the button on the MTSTD with it. Poof!