User blog comment:Bluestripe the Wild/Bluestripe,A Name Remembered/@comment-1630956-20091208000611

I feel bad for Bluestripe when he finds out his father is dead. One thing that will help the flow of the story is if you well... here's an example.

The blade purged (should be plunged) through Vulpin's chest. Vulpin made a gurgling noise and fell limp in death.

It would be easier to read (I think anyway) if in the beginning of the second sentence Vulpin was changed to He.

The blade plunged through Vulpin's chest. He made a gurgling noise and fell limp in death.

D'ya see what I mean? KIC mate!