User blog comment:IllusionOfOblivion/A Twisted Reality/@comment-7662967-20141128035731

Constructive Criticism

Wow. This is an amazing start you've got! (believe it or not, I had a few very unsuccessful tries before I got going at fanfics, but you're going very strong here) All it needs is a little refinement. There is nothing wrong with the story itself, far from it. The only real issue is the giant paragraphs you've got here. (I did the very same thing when I started, don't feel bad) If you look out how I format my stories, you'll notice I start a new paragraph every time someone speaks. It helps a lot, because it make your story easier to read. (It will probably seem really weird and awkward to do this, it certainly did for me. Just trust me in that it will improve things immensely.)

Comments on Storyline

First off, I've got to say this is not dragging at all. You've got some good character development already, and your plots flowing pretty well! I also like it that you switch Points of View a fair amount, this makes the story interesting. Ahhhh and where you left off! Cliffhanger! Keep writing!

(as for the next point of view, I'm going to sugest you do someone's besides Riah's. This is not because I do not want to find out what happens to her, far from it (really far from it :P) but because it'll help you keep the cliffhanger and will keep your readers intrigued >:D (But do hurry, because I want to know what Illusion (Lus) does!) XP

I really like what I've read so far! (can you tell?) >':'<