User blog comment:Ariyh/Ice Queen/@comment-3462718-20110921210658

Good start; keep it coming! If you don't mind my pointing it out, though, there are several sections where it switches from present tense (she is, it grabs, they say, etc) to past tense (she was, it grabbed, they said, etc). I would strongly suggest making up your mind which tense to use to make it much easier to read. Plotwise, this seems like a good start, though; let me know when you update!