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Redwall Wiki | Brian Jacques and Redwall Information
Redwall Wiki | Brian Jacques and Redwall Information

This is a comedy thing, every thing will be twisted around. You don't have to read it....

It was a beautiful shiny day, But she was coming. There was hardly a cloud in in the clear blue sky, but she was coming. It was the very picture of a perfect day, but she was coming. The birds chirped happily, but she was coming. Lacy was coming!

Lacy! (She is my dog)

Chapter 1[]

It was a nice cool day in summer, with a soft breeze and the beautiful Redwall around them. To the redwallers today was perfect! That is in till it happened....

The long patrol came! The otters came to but everyone was happy to see them. It was not the otters but the hares that scared the cooks. 5 score of them! Almost every secant it seemed a hare came in asking when the food would be ready or trying to steal some scones or half baked pie. Friar Han came to the Abbot asking, “Will you make it so that any hare coming in the kitchen will lose dinner?”

Abbot Menlo replied, “No, here at the Redwall Abbey all people must get dinner. But I will send the abbey warrior to cut the hares ears off. Sister June please send our warrior to the kitchens.

Lacy was coming, at the head of four vermin. One of the vermin said in a hushed tone, “The gate is unlocked m'lady.”

Lacy replied, “It's rude to let yourself in, knock first.”

One of her vermin knocked on the door then the head of the abbot looked at them from over the wall. “GO AWAY YOU BLOOD THRISTY VERMIN!

Lacy looked to the top of the wall, “But we are harmless and we only need food.”

The abbot replied, “Oh in that case come in.”

After a little while the five were walking to the Great hall from the gate. One of the vermin what a little behind the rest and was slipping away. When he fell, many dibbuns came charging at him from every direction!

“hehehehehe lets eat up big rat hehehehehehe!”

“I got 'is foot your five his leg.”

In not long at all he you could not see the rat at all, only the ten dibbuns that were covering him trying to kill him.

The abbey warrior Glatner was sent to guard the food, every time a hare came he would chase him or her off with his sword. “Jolly bad form keepin' a poor ol' hare from his bally food!” “I'll make chopped meat out-a you if you don't get out-a here now!” After all the hares where gone and the food was made the bells rang out telling the it was dinner time.

“mmmmm good scoff!”

“Top hole tucker wot!”

And, “Jolly good food!”

Rang all over the abbey. After a little while Glatner after talking with the abbot came to Lacy, “You had 4 vermin with you now there are only 3, wheres the other one?”

Lacy replied, “Thats a good point, I don't know!”

“I will search the abbey till I find him!”

After walking a little Glatner ran back to the abbey calling the others to him.

“Is he still breathing?”

“No, he's dead.”

“Who did this?”

“We did, we be dav!”

“What in the name of heaven's is dav?”

“Dibbuns against vermin!”

“Well you are getting a good bath for that, look at your teeth, they may be stained red for all your life from all that blood!”

A little later the abbot talked with Lacy, “I'm very sorry about your rat.”

“Yes so am I”

“Why was he out here anyway?”

“He was looking for a bathroom.”


(To anyone reading this, how do redwallers go potty?)

Chapter 2[]

He saw the abbey and he wanted it. With 10,000 toads at his back he knew he could take it. Dagnatolajentalay (Dag-na-to-la-jen-ta-lay) was the smartest crab in the world. He could even talk! With his army he planed to attack, That very night.

The dead rat was taken and was buried. Lacy walked up on the wall and looked out, she saw the army and ran to tell the redwallers.