During his lifetime, Brian Jacques wrote and contributed music to many plays. He was also a stand-up comedian. Every Redwall book features characters bursting into song, and Redwall was even adapted into a musical for children.
So I have to think that Jakesy would get a kick out of a Tony Award-winning musical being parodied with the life and times of relatives of Boar the Fighter – the character he said he would most like to meet.
Surely, he wouldn't say no to this. Who wouldn't love a stage production of badgers and hares singing and dancing around the old Salamandastron forge before battle?! I wouldn't throw away my shot to see that. That's the true room where it happens.
This Redwall Hamilton satire/parody/whatever-you-want-to-call-it was tougher than I thought it was going to be. Lin-Manuel Miranda's very particular use of rhyme, syllables, and meter in "Alexander Hamilton" is difficult to replicate, and some liberties were taken in regards to overall song familiarity, word pronunciation, narrative, and language choices. I wanted to stay as true to the characters' stories as possible as well as avoid contemporary references.
Nevertheless, I'm proud of what I've accomplished here, especially considering the very niche audience for it (those who have read Mossflower, Mariel of Redwall, and Outcast of Redwall who have also seen/heard Hamilton).
This was so many more hours than I anticipated, so hopefully you'll be back for a repeat reading. Now it's time to learn who lives, who dies, who tells Boar's story. Take a break, and enjoy!
"Boar of Salamandastron" lyrics by LordTBT, with a massive tip of the hat to Mssrs. Brian Jacques and Lin-Manuel Miranda.
[RIPFANG]
How does a badger, forger, son of a Lord and a
Brock cub, brought to a mountain by a downtrodden
Gosling thanks to abundant gratitude and honor,
Grow up to be an expert corsair mauler?
[BROCKTREE]
As the Hare Brawlers' Founding Father – I am his father
Got a lot farther by girding some wrought armor
By heeding the Mount charter
By eating the Mount's larder
By old age, he led a great charge and became a martyr
[STONEPAW]
And every day The Mace was hearing Skar's caw after parting
farther away from the slaves, he chuckled and left the north thaw
Inside, he felt Bloodwrath for sea rats such as Warpclaw
Boar's grandson was ready to force Swartt to draw the short straw
[MARTIN THE WARRIOR]
Now the fire lizard blazed, his rock inscriptions claimed
Boar saw his future, whipped the hares into shape
He beckoned to his weapon, accepted it was his fate
And he entered the fray, giving a passageway to escape
[RIPFANG]
Well, the word got around, I said, "This beast is insane, mate"
Scouted out the mountain and rigged the sails for the Bloodwake
Gathered up my crew just to beat him with a checkmate
Prepare for devastation, don't forget to light the flame, and
The world's gonna know his name. What's your name, mate?
[BOAR THE FIGHTER]
Boar of Salamandastron
My name is Boar of Salamandastron
And there's a million vermin to confront
So just you wait, just you wait...
[BELLA OF BROCKHALL]
When she was out, Lady Sable found a goose with some wounds
Took him inside, he needed healing to come through
He said, "If I'm cured, you'll get news, some fun clues"
[FULL COMPANY EXCEPT BOAR (whispering)]
And Olav got better then gave the famous route
[BUFFHEART & COMPANY, BOTH]
Didn't get too guarded, when Martin and his gang came forth
Took his sword, re-forged it with stellar ore, something built for war
A weapon made for battle
An unbreakable blade
He started repeatin' and speakin' every great warrior's name
[RIPFANG & COMPANY, BOTH]
To skip a bit ahead of my place
Once Orgeye sailed through the waves
The corsair encountered Verminfate
From Boar's descendant, Rawnblade
He started ragin', chasin' down his Long Patrol's butchers
Sailin' to provide some vengeance and a whoopin'
Slammin' every rat he could get his paws on
Plannin' on wielding his sword with some raw brawn
The bow of his ship headed towards a crazed jerk
At Bladegirt, you can get your face hurt
[COMPANY & BOAR]
At Bladegirt you can get your face hurt (Just you wait)
At Bladegirt you can get your face hurt (Just you wait)
At Bladegirt you can get your face hurt
At Bladegirt, Bladegirt
Just you wait!
[COMPANY]
Boar of Salamandastron (Boar of Salamandastron)
Rats are waiting to be killed you (to be killed by you)
You could never retreat
You never learned to toe the line!
Oh, Boar of Salamandastron (Boar of Salamandastron)
When Mossflower sings for you
Will they know of your dynastic fame?
Will they know all the beasts you've slain?
The land will never be the same, oh
[RIPFANG, MALES, & COMPANY]
Our ship is near the mountain now
See if you can spot him
Just you wait
Another warrior
Turning foes into flotsam
Just you wait
His enemies destroyed his peace
And the prophecy foresaw him
[MARTIN THE WARRIOR]
I fought with him
[BROCKTREE]
Me? I guided him
[BUFFHEART]
Me? I trusted him
[BELLA OF BROCKHALL]
Me? I loved him
[RIPFANG]
And me? I'm the darn rat that slayed him
[COMPANY]
There's a million vermin to confront
So just you wait!
[RIPFANG]
What's your name, mate?
[COMPANY]
Boar of Salamandastron!